Your special day ... weddings and the Church of England

Why get married?

Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God. In the marriage ceremony, a couple make a public declaration of lifelong commitment to love each other, come what may.

The Bible compares married love with the love Jesus has for his followers. In our marriages we can try to follow his model by loving our  partners in a self-sacrificial way, putting their needs before our own.

The marriage ceremony gives you a new stability within which your relationship can flourish and grow. Christians believe that marriage offers the right place for the fulfilment of our sexuality and that it provides a stable and secure environment for bringing up children.

We hope that you have a wonderful wedding day and that it will mark the beginning of a long and very happy marriage.

Getting married in church – making it ‘stress free’!

If you would like to get married in church contact your local parish priest to see if the church is free on your preferred date.

A couple is entitled to be married in the church of the Church of England parish where one or other or you lives. Click here to find your local church. If you are active in another church congregation, it is usually possible to be married there. Speak to the parish priest.

If the church you wish to be married in is not the local church of either of you, you have to go on the electoral roll of that parish. You will be expected to attend the church services for six months before going on the roll.

What happens is this…

Your priest will probably wish to meet with you in person to discuss your plans. He or she will spend some time talking with you. Churches sometimes offer marriage preparation, perhaps as part of a group with other couples. This gives you an opportunity to think through possible issues and how you will handle them as a couple.

The priest will will arrange for you ‘banns’ to be read out in church for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding. Banns are simply an announcement of your intention to marry and a chance for anyone to put forward a reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place. Banns need to be read in the parish where each of you lives as well as at the church in which you are to be married if that is another parish.

Your big day finally arrives

At the marriage service the priest welcomes the congregation, reads an introduction explaining what Christians believe about marriage, and asks if anyone knows any reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place. He or she will ask you to promise before God, your friends and your families, that you will love, comfort, honour and protect your partner and be faithful to them as long as you both shall live.

The priest will also ask the congregation to declare that they will support and uphold your marriage and will invite you to exchange a ring or rings. The minister will then declare that you are now husband and wife.
In the prayers God’s blessing and help is asked for you. It is usual to have one or more readings (one of which should be from the Bible) and the priest will generally give a talk or sermon.

The couple and two witnesses sign a register, and the minister gives you a copy of the marriage certificate.

The choice is yours

You can choose to have a modern language service or one in more traditional language service. Talk over the options with your parish priest. There are usually one or more readings from the Bible in the service - your parish priest can help you select the most appropriate. There will also be some prayers, which you may help to choose, or you may write your own. You may also decide to have someone other than the minister leading the prayers.

If you have friends or family members you would like to involve in the service, for example by doing a reading or playing a musical instrument, discuss this with your parish priest at an early stage of your planning.
Your priest or the church organist can advise on suitable hymns and songs, as well as music for coming in, going out and during the signing of the register.

It is also your choice whether you have one ring or two.

If you wish to have  a video recording of the service, ask permission from the priest and from any organist.

How old do you need to be?

You need to be over 18 to marry without your parents’ consent. You can still get married if you are 16 or 17 but you need to have their consent.

If you have been divorced…

The Church of England teaches that marriage is for life. It also recognises that, sadly, some marriages do go wrong and, if this should happen, it seeks to be available for all involved. The Church accepts that, in exceptional circumstances, a divorced person may marry again in church during the lifetime of a former spouse.

Some priests may be willing to conduct such a marriage in church; so speak to your priest. He or she will will want to talk with you openly about the whole situation and be as helpful as possible.

How much does it cost to get married in church?

Fees for banns, the certicate of banns and the marriage service come to £248.

Check with your parish priest for extras you may wish to have for the service, such as a choir, organist, bell-ringers, special lighting, fees for video recording and so on.

The final countdown  – your wedding planner checklist

Organising a wedding can be a fraught and stressful business. Alternatively, it can be an enjoyable and confident time. In order that the latter is the case for you, here is a countdown checklist of what needs to be done in the months before your wedding. It may not cover every eventuality but it certainly covers most that needs to be planned.

12-6 months

• Announce your forthcoming marriage to family and friends (you may also like to announce this in the newspapers).
• Select an engagement ring (if the future bride desires one).
• Write letters of thanks to family members or friends who give engagement presents.
• Decide on the venue, day and time for the wedding. Remember that churches often have more than one wedding on some days and it might not be possible to have the day and time you desire. Visit the priest and ask if it would be possible to have a certain day and time, rather than making immovable demands.
• Arrange to meet with both sets of parents to decide who will be financially responsible for which parts of the wedding budget. To help you to do this, get some estimates of costs for the church, flowers, cars, clothes hire, reception etc.
• Decide whom you want as best man, bridesmaids and ushers. Ask them if they are will to perform these tasks. You may like to ask others to take part in the service by leading the prayers or doing a reading. Decide too what all these people will wear on the wedding day.
• Decide the number of guests to be invite to the wedding (remember that it is often sensible to consult your parents in this).
• Book a venue for the reception and decide what sort of catering you would like (buffet, sit-down meal etc).
• Start to make a wedding present list.
• Book holiday time at work for your honeymoon.

Six months

• Book the cars which will be used to transport the bride and bridesmaids to the church and the couple from the church.
• Book any music that will be played at the reception (band, disco etc).
• Book a photographer and a video firm if desired.
• Book an hotel for the wedding night.
• Buy or make arrangements to have made or hire dresses for the bride and bridesmaids.

Four months

• Visit the priest at the church where you will be getting married to arrange when the banns will be called. Discuss with her the music and order of service as well as the day and time for the wedding rehearsal. Discuss also whether you want bells, a choir or flowers at the church. If applicable, visit too the priest of the other parish to arrange for the banns to be called there too.
• Visit the florist and discuss colours and types of flowers. This may include flowers for bride and bridesmaids, buttonholes for groom, best man, ushers and guests, as well as flowers for the church and reception.
• Send out wedding invitations, together with a finalised wedding list.

Three months

• Take out travel insurance for the honeymoon and consider general insurance for the wedding (reception disasters etc.). Ensure that you both have passports that will be valid at the time of the honeymoon. Remember that airline tickets must be booked in the names that will be on your passports when you leave to go on honeymoon.
• Decide if you want service papers printed for the church. If so, order these, but remember to ask the priest to look at a copy before printing, to minimise any mistakes.
• Arrange to hire suits for the grooms, best man, ushers and the fathers of the bride and groom.
• Shop for going-away outfits for bride and groom.
• Start to make a wedding cake or order it.

One month

• Buy wedding rings.
• Check arrangements with florists and car hire firm. Check too the catering arrangements at the reception and advise on final number of guests.
• Meet the photographer and discuss with her/him the types of photos to be taken.
• Visit the doctor and arrange any injections that may be necessary for foreign travel.
• Obtain any foreign currency needed for the honeymoon.
• Buy any new clothes that will be needed for the honeymoon.
• Buy presents to give on the wedding day to best man, bridesmaids, ushers and any others taking part in the service. You may also like to give flowers to the mothers of the bride and groom at the reception – order these.
• Book hair appointments for bride and groom for a day shortly before the wedding (or even the day itself).

One week

• Ensure that you have adequate amounts of cash to pay people who may need payment at the wedding (if requested, this might include fees for the priest, as well as payment for cars, florist or photographers).
• If you are using your own cars, make sure they are topped up with petrol the day before!